Self Check Up: How am I doing?

10Nov11

Whatever life choice you have made, checking in with yourself is probably a good idea, to figure everything out, the good, the bad, the worse and the delirium.  There are many things to consider when doing a self diagnostic, so how you go about it may vary to my own method, but here it goes.

Question 1.  Are you safe and is it ongoing? Yes, I am safe, in my home, my outlook, my  friendships and work.  I don’t deliberately provoke danger or invite risk, but that’s because I like feeling safe and I am surrounded by people who are encouraging and supportive, even if those numbers get a bit thin sometimes.

Question 2. How are you pursuing your personal goals? There are lots of fragments of my person, and so I suppose I am hoping that they all come together at some point and then I can move on, with my life.  It’s a terribly neurotic state of being if you have to wait for external factors to fall into place in order to achieve personal goals, like surgery – but then again, I’m hardly in a rush to put biological synthesis ahead of a healthy social life.  I am eating well, sleeping better and in an exciting relationship, all compass needles are pointing north, I feel like I am on track.

Question 3. What obstacles persist and can you resolve them? Obstacles, ack! As always money is of the least importance to my outlook, but most important to my intentions.  Everyone needs money, because everyone believes in the authority it holds, and yes you need cash to negotiate the finer things in your transgender lives, but give me peace any day.  That seems to be the irony, that money could buy me peace of mind.  Other obstacles… self image, when will I finally realise that if I can’t continue to use food as emotional coping mechanism.  Actions for resolving obstacles:  More active on work ideas to earn an ethical income, and trying a gluten free diet (why not?).  White flour is the devil.

Question 4. Breaking point, what takes you to the edge? I am still infuriated by the shit world we live, not that it is particularly crappy to me, but the crappy way most people treat other people.  That’s to say nothing of how crappy humans are generally to other species.  I think it is sad, that every day I abide by the rule of the fearsome, the powerful who are dare I say, weak in mind and spirit, and yet short term solutions are impossible.  I resist, I support, I empower a better world and life for so many.

Question 5. Did any of these things happen to you today -

a. kiss - yes

b. hug - yes

c. sex - no

d. gender consent - yes

e. positive feelings about sexuality - yes

f. freedom from biology - yes

g. safer space - yes

h. positive media  - yes

i. IRL connect with friends - yes

j. Online connect with friends - yes

k. Felt comfortable in your clothes - yes

l. smiled at someone - yes

m. flirted with someone - yes

n. Happy with the state of your house - maybe

o. Finished study/work load – yes

p. Read something  interesting  - yes

q. Felt empowered  - yes

r. Achieved a goal - yes

s. Made a new goal - yes

t. Laughed - yes

u. Danced - no

v. Went out with friends - yes

w. Bought new clothes - no

x. Ate well - yes

y. Felt happy - yes

z. Would totally do it all again tomorrow - yes

So there you have it.  I’m positively gay!  I’ve checked myself out, I think I am doing ok, as long as I don’t let the things I can’t have right now dominate my thinking.  I’ve been living my life for a while now, I feel like I am getting better at it!  Keep working at it, an improvement as the best success you can have and if you’re slipping, maybe you should ask a friend for support and advice.  Hope you’re doing well.

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Tags: gender, milisha, queer, quiz, trans*, transgender